I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
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