This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
