she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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