my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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