Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
