This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
