This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
