You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Randomize
