Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Shame is for Republicans.
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