Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
