remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
