Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize