I could have mohawked her pubes.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
