Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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