I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
