How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
