New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
