U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
