I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
