Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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