Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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