that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
