I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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