Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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