i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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