That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
