He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
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I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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