Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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