roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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