I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
