I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
