maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
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Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
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Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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