Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
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He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
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Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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