nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
