just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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