I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
