i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
