I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
