eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
