You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
