somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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