she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
