I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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