You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize