I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
