Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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