I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
