so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
