Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I think my moral compass just broke
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
