Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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