Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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