i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
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Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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