If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
