Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
