i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
