I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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