I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
