You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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