Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
