TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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