I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She told me I should be a condom model.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
