She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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