take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
