when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
