the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
