Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
