The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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