There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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