well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
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My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
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I would ride that face into the sunset
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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