I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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