Please, let me fuck your mom
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
