From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Randomize
