This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
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I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
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WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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