dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The uberlube is also flammable
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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