bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
