There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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