I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
