is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
