great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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