Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
