Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
