Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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